Whenever you’re feeling an emotion that you no longer wish to feel, stop! The range of emotions we feel as humans is quite extensive. I don't know you, but I know that right now, you could be feeling any of the following: sad, lonely, envious, depressed, anxious, angry, nervous, fearful, annoyed, guilty, judgmental, disappointed, despaired, frustrated, discouraged, bad, ashamed, hateful, unloved, bitter, victimized, disillusioned, wronged, rejected, pained, miserable, offended, heartbroken, empty or scared. The key to changing these emotions is to first determine if you actually wantto feel different. 

You may ask, “Why would anyone want to feel nervous?” Well, some believe that feeling a certain way will motivate them to study harder for a test or prepare more earnestly for their upcoming work project. To be clear, I don’t feel this way, yet there are many people that do. I find that being nervous rarely, if ever, serves me well. You may also wonder, “Why would anyone choose to feel sad?” They may choose to allocate a period of time to be in touch with their emotions during their grieving process. For many, choosing happiness prematurely may hinder what they need to feel and go through in order to most effectively process their loss. 

We can become accustomed to feeling the same way every day and become, well, emotionally attached to our emotions. For instance, if you have held onto feeling hopeless for the past 300 days, suddenly choosing on day 301 to let go of your hopelessness and reach out for purpose will feel uncomfortable, because you are opening yourself up to new emotions. The global spiritual leader, Thich Nhat Hanh, summed this struggled up perfectly by sharing, "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." If comfort is our goal, then we will never experience emotional breakthrough.

I need to make something very clear: It’s okay to choose to feel however you like. Feelings of sadness and unhappiness, for example, are normal emotions. The only two types of people who don’t have any feelings are psychopaths and the dead. Since you're definitely not the latter and hopefully not the former, I want you to give yourself permission to feel however you’d like. After all, I’m not telling you to change how you feel; I’m merely informing you that it is my deeply held belief that you have the power to choose how you are going to feel at any given moment. 

When you’re feeling emotions that don’t serve you well, I suggest you stop. Don't try skipping to step 2 or doing anything else until you’ve first stopped. Why is it so important? Because most often, it’s not in your best interest to react from a negative state. Think of how you feel after you feel that someone has wronged you. Let’s say you’re in traffic and someone cuts you off. Typically, you feel a swell of a thousand emotions, none of which serve you well. In such moments, you become filled with anger and are convinced that the other driver did this directly to you, with the sole intent of ruining your day. Or maybe you feel disrespected, frustrated, victimized or offended. You cannot trust yourself in these heated moments to make the most rational decisions. 

I know from past experience that the moment someone would cut me off, it was on! In that split second, I would go from calm to steaming unless I received a considerate gesture from the driver to tell me messages like, “Sorry dude…I didn’t mean to do that…I apologize…Thank you for permitting me to take the precious space in front of you…Next time, I promise to be more cautious…I owe you one…You are a great human being for not retaliating…More drivers should be as compassionate and wonderful as you.” Rarely did I receive my expected gesture, and rarely did I make the choice to mentally stop. 

I reacted in a way that didn't serve me or the passengers in my car well. I would speed up to the driver and give them the gesture that they knew they deserved. Sometimes, I would extend both my hands outward with palms up, as if to say, “What is wrong with you? Was that even necessary?” Again, I would only relax if they gave me a gesture that seemed like they were apologetic. My behavior didn’t serve anyone well. Immediately after engaging in that behavior, I would feel ashamed and even more unhappy. 

This first step to stopdoesn't only apply tostories of road rage against strangers. If someone you actually know, like a boss, spouse, friend, relative, co-worker, girlfriend or boyfriend, says or does something that stirs up unwanted emotions within you, I implore you to just stop. I would estimate that 98% of the time, your initial reaction to that person will not serve either of you well. Choosing to lose control around someone you know is even more harmful than with a stranger on the road, because the residue of hurt emotions will take a long time to wash away. Often, when I fail to stop and instead impulsively react, I wind up having to make amends for my behavior. The words that flow from our lips and the actions we exhibit when affected by anger or anxiety are almost never the ideal way to respond.