Dealing and coping with stress and fear is not something new. They’ve been thinking about it for quite some time. Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher who lived 2000 years ago, said “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” From that statement, I get, "It’s not what happens to you, it’s your reaction to it." Epictetus also said, "We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them." I thoroughly embrace what Epictetus was claiming, at time before Iphones and even before Paul McCartney had a band after the Beatles. How we react to something is a choice. The way we react to something dictates how we are going to feel.

Matt Weinstein, who lost his entire fortune to Bernie Madoff, was extremely bitter and filled with resentment and embarrassment. He met with other victims and they went around the table at dinner and were asked what, if anything, they would change about the past. The first three people who spoke said they wouldn’t change anything. They explained to the others that what they had gone though made them who they were. They further explained that even those seemingly dark and devastating times ultimately made such positive changes in them that they wouldn’t have changed anything. Matt learned for the first time there was another way to think about things. Matt and his wife knew that Bernie Madoff had stolen all of their money, however, Matt was determined not to allow him to steal the rest of their lives.

I'm reminded of what I went through at my darkest and lowest point in life. I was in so much emotional pain that I would have done anything to make it stop. I certainly wouldn't have entertained the notion that what I was going through was actually of benefit to me. I would have scoffed at anyone who instructed me that this was all for my growth. I had no idea at the time that there was another way to look at this.

Instead of continuing to blame those around me, I focused on myself. I focused on how I could respond in a more positive and loving way. I let go of my victim story, which accompanied the resentment and anger. After I began doing the spiritual work, a funny thing happened. I started to get better. My feelings of resentment and anger shifted to love and forgiveness. What a wonderful gift I gave myself. Learning that my reaction to stress, fear and pain will determine how I feel was a tremendous growing opportunity for me.